


Thank you Castiel

by lordyCas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: #dean and cas, #deans suicide note, #i cried writing this, #im sorry, #yes this is really justone chapter, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-19 13:10:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18136172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordyCas/pseuds/lordyCas
Summary: "Love, I think, is one of the strangest feelings I've ever encountered."





	Thank you Castiel

**Author's Note:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING** This is literally the suicide note of Dean Winchester. If you are triggered or unnerved by this stop rreading now.

_Love, I think, is one of the strangest feelings I've ever encountered. So many different descriptions of this emotion exist I didn’t know how to label what I felt at first. I might just be too young to have any grasp of what love is, but I don’t believe this emotion has an age requirement, or limit for that matter. Someone told me once i’d feel as if the sun was shining through me. In some ways this was entirely true._

_Some days this emotion is far too heavy to carry upon my shoulders. It sits in my gut and it squeezes with all its might. Other days i’m never happier than when I carry that weight proudly. I felt this pressure since the very beginning but I brushed it aside every time it made its presence known. I allowed it to simmer until one day it spilled over and something else was born. A relationship so pure I was disgusted with myself for ever tainting it with my touch._

_That's when the emotion I could never name returned full force with a mission tight in its grasp. I felt like i’d finally remembered something after hours of wracking my brain. That sudden click of realization and then the unfiltered feeling of joy._

_Love! I finally had the name i’d been searching for, for so long. It hid in the dark until i yanked the cover. I’ve learned that while love itself is singular, it always has two names. I think i’ll carry her name with me forever, however long that is. Thank you Castiel for showing me what love really is. Thank you for being the only light in this black hole of a world._

Dean dropped the pen he was using, the tears streaming silently down his face blurred his vision. He stepped back from the paper scrawled with his messy handwriting. Some of the words were smudged where his tears left their marks. Everything in his room was organized perfectly. The bed was made, his closet was perfectly arranged.

Dean wanted to leave this room as if his presence had never touched it. He stood and pushed in the chair to his desk. 

_The last piece of the puzzle._

He left the paper where he poured out what was left of his heart on his desk, turning to the bathroom. 

The only sound Dean heard swallowing a handful of pills was the slight, peaceful trickling of the bathroom sink.

His last thought before everything went black flashed through his mind.

_I know i'll see you soon my love._

 


End file.
